We all want fulfilling and meaningful relationships, especially with your children and significant others. A way to improve your connection is to focus on CARE.
Curiosity
Attunement
Responsiveness
Engagement
That looks easy enough, now, but what does it mean.
- Be curious
Effort to know someone and what they are interested in is rewarded by a deeper understanding and connection. Ask your pre-teen to show you how to play that online building game, and try to learn and explore their world. Notice what your spouse is reading and discover if they like the way the book is written, the topic, or both. Be the learner – not the teacher. Do not give advice on what else to build or a different book that might be better. Caution – Why questions tend to sound critical rather than curious.
- Attunement
Tune in. This is not not just paying attention but really make an effort to be on the same page (not to get them on your page).
- Responsive
Act when presented with a need, feeling, or an invitation. Let this person know they have an important place in your life and in your day. You know the difference between people who hear you and respond and those who hear you and say “just a minute” most all of the time.
- Engagement
With, “nose to toes and eye contact,” mirror neurons connected. Be with and enjoy another’s company. This one is a bit of a combination of attunement and responsiveness as it cannot be done without both.
Frequency and Duration of care matter.
Do you have relationships like this? It is so easy to fall into a pattern of getting things done and being busy but not connected. Just some thoughts about care for the day. Some days I care better than others, every day I notice when others really care for me.
Dr. Tricia Brown